


Finding Love From the Tallest Cliffs

by MissIodine



Series: Starbetween Stories [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Acrophobia, Anxiety, Body Image, Cardassians, F/F, Happy Ending, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25623091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissIodine/pseuds/MissIodine
Summary: A short story about two women who find love in one another, despite the odds and misgivings they might have. From the tallest cliffs to the deepest drops to anywhere else, there’s hope. Takes place approximately 4 years after Terrified Gray Eyes and a LOT of character development.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Series: Starbetween Stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857370
Kudos: 2





	Finding Love From the Tallest Cliffs

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of a custom DND campaign.

Rakelen peeked out from the small crack between the bathroom door and its doorframe. Assa was still leaning over the hotel room’s balcony, gazing off into the distance at the city’s nightlife. It was near impossible to tell what she was thinking. At reading body language, Rakelen was an expert, but she couldn’t manage to pinpoint the meaning of Assa's demeanor. In all likelihood, that woman was probably disgusted at her.

Rakelen’s heart was racing faster than a vole. Using the shower as an excuse wasn’t the best, but it bought her some time to think and analyze the previous encounter. Her mind was filled with so many thoughts, both hopeful and unthinkable. She slowly closed the bathroom door so it wouldn’t make much noise (not that either of them would hear it if it was a decibel louder—owed to Cardassian less than excellent hearing) then gripped the towel wrapped around her. 

She turned back to the mirror and took a washcloth to it to wipe off its layer of fog. She didn’t realize the bathroom had gotten so steamy in the time she bathed. Then again, the hot humidness helped her think. The clock in the corner read 20:57, meaning she’d been hiding inside for the past three quarters of an hour. It was longer than she had hoped to be, but she was just so anxious—to think she was sharing a bedroom with Assa! Normally it’d be any other casual outing; she wasn’t a stranger to sleepovers, having plenty of them in her early teens. Only this time, Rakelen rested her hand on Assa’s shoulder and...so foolish! Rakelen smacked herself several times over on the head with her palm lightly.

She gazed at her reflection. Rakelen felt she could point out a number of errors at first glance. Sure, she had ample time to discover each and every flaw she had, but she knew it was clear anyone could see them in all of five seconds. She always felt fat no matter how many times she looked at herself and no matter how many times someone said otherwise. Despite her upkeep with hygiene, her skin and scales always became oily as the day progressed. She could go on and on. Her cheekbones were too sharp, eyes slightly too big, chin too pointy, neck too slim, shoulders too wide, feet too big, a body too tall, the list was endless and Rakelen was sure to think of more things wrong about herself.

She barely had many hobbies or friends she could name for that matter. She couldn’t blame it all on her line of work. It didn’t offer a significant amount of free time, but she knew she had ample opportunity to explore life. Except she hardly did. She let much of her potential life slip away through her fingers like sand and finally started to regret it.

She almost began to laugh at herself, whether in self pity or disbelief or something entirely different, she didn’t know. She caught herself before any ludicrous chuckle broke out. The last thing she needed was Assa believing she had gone mad, although Rakelen reasoned that wasn’t a terribly inaccurate statement. There was always that irrational fear of heights--acrophobia. No matter how many times she boarded a starship or was teetering on the edge of a cliff in a holosuite, that incessant little phobia never went away; it gnawed at her every step. With all her flaws and personal failures, she had it solidified that no one would ever find something lovable inside her, not even herself.

Rakelen searched for her sleepwear, but managed to find herself unable to ascertain where she left the pajamas she meant to carry in. Finally the realization set in as she retraced the steps in her mind. She never carried in those pajamas in the panic after Assa shuddered and moved away from the hand on her shoulder almost an hour ago

Rakelen knew she could put on her clothes from earlier—the brown sweater and black active pants, but then Assa might recognize them and think she was a slob for not changing her clothes. Sure, Rakelen and Assa are no strangers to wearing and sleeping in the same clothes when the situation calls for it, but this wasn’t such a situation! They were at a hotel! On vacation for Cardassia’s sake!

Rakelen’s eye caught one of the hotel’s standard complimentary bathrobes hanging on the adjacent wall and decided to wear that. It shouldn’t be too bad. Rakelen figured that at least Assa wouldn’t have to bear more of her half measured stupidity. She rationalized that she can salvage whatever awkwardness she committed and go to bed with at least a sliver of dignity. 

_Now or never, a voice in Rakelen’s head said. Regardless, you’re going to make a fool of yourself._

She finally opened the bathroom door and strode out, robe wrapped around her. She sat on the closer of the two hotel beds, facing the other bed and the balcony, with her legs hanging off the bedside.

Assa turned around from the balcony and offered her a half smile, barely meeting her gaze.

 _Great_ , _she’s never going to forget this_. 

Rakelen silently grumbled at herself.

Assa took a step inside and closed the sliding door. She clasped her hands together, rubbing them as if she were either cold or thinking of something to say, but nothing came out of her mouth.

“I might go for a walk. Besides, I know you fall asleep better alone,” Rakelen said, offering a nervous chuckle at the end and quickly standing back on her feet.

“Um…” Assa vocalized, pointing to her friend’s sole piece of attire, a pink and white fuzzy bathrobe covering her torso to mid thigh.

Behind the practiced false smile she put on, Rakelen felt like facepalming herself into oblivion. 

“N-not like this! I mean, I’m gonna change first!” Rakelen stammered.

“Oh! Right!” Assa blushed and covered the lower half of her face with a hand. 

Rakelen was on her way to the bathroom with a set of clothes retrieved from her backpack when she heard a call of her name.

“Rakelen?”

She swung back around.

“Yes, Assa?”

“Before you go, can I talk to you?” 

“Sure. What’s on your mind?” Rakelen asked, setting down her clothes on the foot of the bed.

_Please don’t ask about why I put my hand near your neck. Please don’t ask why I tried to rub the scales there. It was an accident, I swear. Please please please._

“Well I, uh, can we sit down for this?” Assa managed to say.

“Of course.”

They sat together on Rakelen’s bed, inches apart. 

“I-well...I sort of…like you know how...erm…” Assa couldn’t seem to find the words.

_Please just get to the point so I can punish myself by walking several miles at night like on Densa._

“I...like you, Rakelen. And...I wanted to know if you felt the same way about me.”

Rakelen jumped back a foot. It wasn’t the recoil of denial, but rather a reaction made in full surprise. Rakelen opened her mouth, then realized that while she fantasized of this moment countless times, she never really gave much thought what she’d say if it played out like this, and subsequently closed her mouth, then opened it again, and closed it, and opened it, repeating that cycle several times. Judging by Assa’s increasingly nervous expression, Rakelen thought she must’ve looked like an asphyxiating fish to her.

“I...Assa!”

“Mmmff!” came Assa’s muffled screams as Rakelen wrapped her in a hug, squeezing her like no other.

“Assa, I like you too! I-I didn’t realize!”

Assa poked her head over Rakelen’s shoulder, gasping for air.

“In the name of Cardassia! I was dropping hints like crazy!” Assa exclaimed somewhere in between a whisper and a shout.

Rakelen hugged Assa so tight, it made her think her friend _girlfriend?_ might burst in her arms.

“I just want to make sure, you like me as like...like girlfriends?”

Assa met Rakelen’s gaze with her mouth ajar.

“Why of course!! What did you think I meant?!” she asked.

“I don’t know! I thought maybe you meant as friends!”

“Rakelen! We’ve been friends since forever! I love you!”

“I love you, too!”

_How amusing, however, this is not real, Rakelen. You should know better. This is the moment you have been fancying for years. Do you really think it has actually happened just because you wanted it to? Here I thought true Cardassians were naturally suspicious. Where’s your suspicion now? Are you too stupid to realize this has to be a fabrication of your mind? A dream? A mirage? An illusion?_

As Assa’s lips neared Rakelen’s mouth, Rakelen suddenly broke out of the embrace, feeling as if she was coming to her senses. She began looking around the room for any trace of holo-imaging hardware. 

“Rakelen? Is something wrong?” There was a hint of worry evident in her voice.

Rakelen didn’t address the question at first. She pinched herself on the leg, but that didn’t seem to rouse her from any sort of slumber. She gazed back at Assa who hazel eyes more precious than any pearl. Pushed back black hair fit for a goddess (if any truly existed). Fine, delicate scales that seemed to shine from the light emanating from the lamp on top of the nightstand. Full lips to be kissed. _Chula_ just visible over the neckline of her nightgown. She had a face and body softer and more beautiful than anyone Rakelen knew. This was certainly a perfect replica.

_No, Rakelen. There is no one that loves you. People cannot bear to be around you. Not even another Cardassian truly appreciates your company. Oh they might put up with you, tolerate your presence, but you know that they wouldn’t choose to spend their time with you. You know why that is. It’s not a secret--you just don’t want to admit it. Besides your countless physical flaws which span far and wide, the worst part is even more internal. It is your personality. It is who you are as a person. You are thoroughly unlovable._

“Holosuite, end program,” Rakelen said with melancholy, knowing she figured it out, however sad it made her feel. As the words left her mouth, she expected the comfortable bed, this lavish hotel room, and that collection of photons and replicated matter pressed into a lifeform to disappear to nothingness and bring the real, physical world back to her.

Only there was one issue. It didn’t. This room, this place, this experience was real.

“Rakelen...this...this isn’t me playing a prank on you,” Assa said, pulling Rakelen back into the hug. “I love you and I have loved you for some time.”

_You are more daft than you realize, Rakelen! Has living with those people onboard that ship softened you up? Are you that far gone? How could you possibly believe that this is happening to you?! She is far too good for you and you are not good enough for her! Reject her advances! Tell her that she is completely and utterly ridiculous for attempting to pursue this relationship! You don't even have the heart to, do you?! You’ve always been a coward!_

Rakelen tried to hold back tears, but she began to weep into Assa’s chest.

“I...I…I…”

Assa instinctively put her hand over the back of Rakelen’s head, patting her hair gently.

“It’s okay, Rakelen. You’re okay. Shhhhh…”

“I-I didn’t realize anyone could love me,” Rakelen groaned through sobs.

“I do love you, more than anything.”

Assa pulled Rakelen to a laying down position with her. It took several minutes for Rakelen’s breathing to return to normal. She pulled her teary face out of Assa’s chest.

“I’ve…” The next part was unbelievably hard for Rakelen to say, but she surprised herself by speaking it out loud. “I’ve always hated myself.”

“You’ve been a wonderful friend to me all my life and I’m happy to be something more with you. I’ve never hated you, Rakelen. Except for that time when our pet voles got into a fight when we were seven.” She added that last part with a touch of humor and a gentle smile.

That little addition made Rakelen chuckle a small bit. 

“I love you, Assa, so much. You make me feel valued and... _happy._ ”

Assa turned off the lamp next to them, casting the room into almost complete darkness save for the iluminate moonlight peering through the glass balcony door.

“You are a wonderful person, Rakelen, who deserves all the love she can get.”

Despite her desire to continue conversing with her new girlfriend, Rakelen began to cry again, only this time, it was happy tears. Assa’s comfortable arms were caring, sweet, and familiar. She sensed the floral aroma of Assa’s perfume entering her nose. Assa was beautiful inside and out. Her kindness made her feel a glimmer of hope, a spark of true confidence and love for Assa and herself. Without any doubt whatsoever, she above all felt impossibly joyful in this woman’s presence.


End file.
